our cab driver is having phone sex.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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