I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
