yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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