found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
