I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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