1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The Olympian is in my bed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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