God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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