the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
