That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
