Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
