Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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