my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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