Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
