turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
