I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
