I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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