im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
