I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize