Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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