its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
