those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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