that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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