you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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