I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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