I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
