And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
