wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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