I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
