I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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