I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
