of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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