So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
