I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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