Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
