good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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