remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
