I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
