I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
