True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
