One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
