There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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