I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
