he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
