I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
PANTIES FOUND
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
