Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
