Non-Jews are for practice
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
