you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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