i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
These tits shall not be calmed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
