i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
