I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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