Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
