i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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