i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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