I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My liver just had a heart attack.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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