i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
