Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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