suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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