i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
