I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
