Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
