yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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