Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
