she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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