My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
