My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
