I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
